It’s my/our first Mother’s Day tomorrow, and although it’s a great feeling being finally able to celebrate be a mum myself, it’s brought up lots of mixed feelings in me….
Joy: I had dreamed of being a mum for many years, and as those years went on the dream got stronger and the disappointment and sadness did too. So, this year I am a mum to a gorgeous precious little girl and I couldn’t be happier or more proud. I heard her and her Daddy working on something together this morning, it sounded so cute and I can’t wait to see what they’ve created tomorrow.
Determination (and self doubt): I am determined to do the very best for my little girl, and to try to be the best mum for her. I think I feel that because of her start in life, I need to be supermum to make up for what she may not have had. However, I’ve realised these last few days that this is probably not very helpful for either of us. yes, I need (and want) to be a good mum, but I’m putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect. When I’m predictably not perfect it makes me feel like a really rubbish mum, and I really doubt myself. Everyone around me is saying I’m doing a good job, but sometimes I really don’t believe it. I think I need to remember more that I can’t be perfect all the time, and that what my daughter needs most is a warm, loving mummy. Yes, the theories, therapeutic parenting and other influences are really important, but I can’t do that all the time, and I need to believe that thats ok too. I need to try to relax a bit more, and enjoy the joy that parenting can be. I need to learn from my daughter and smile and move on when something doesn’t go to plan.
Sadness: Mother’s day makes me think of people who are longing to be mums, have lost their mums or who have lost their children and are no longer mums. I know people who have experienced all of these, and I hope that they know I grieve and are angry with them. I really hope and pray that even though tomorrow will be painful, that they have supportive, understanding people around them.
I am particularly thinking of my little girl’s Birth Mum. I know that some would say ‘she’s not for you to worry about’, but I am probably too sensitive, so actually, she is. I know that she was given notification of the application for little one’s adoption order this week (great timing!), and all I can think of is she’s probably not in a great place now. She actually told us she supported the adoption, but now it’s (hopefully) about to actually happen I wonder how she feels?. I hope and pray that somehow she has some peace, and that she is comforted by the fact that she knows that we will/do so so love little one.
My daughter is too little this year to fully understand adoption, but I do wonder how Mother’s Day will be in coming years, and how I’m going to help her understand her story. I expect that in the future Mother’s Day’s will stir up some big feelings, and I hope I can help her discuss and explore them together. I will make it clear that her Birth Mum will always be an important part of her, and her story.
Excitement: I am about to become an aunty to my first little niece. I’m so excited, and can’t wait to meet her. I hope she grows up to become a strong woman, and I hope I can be the best aunty to her. I hope I can support my little sister as she starts her journey of being a mum, and can be someone she comes to whatever she needs.
Grateful: lastly (but not least) I am so grateful to my own Mum (and of course Dad too). As I am adopted, she already knows what it’s like to be an adoptive mum. her support and advice have been invaluable to me, I couldn’t have got through the adoption process (actually my whole life up till now) without her. Whenever I need a some encouragement she is at the end of the phone, and I often come away feeling so much better. She is simply amazing!
So, lots of feelings at the moment, that won’t go away when Mother’s day has ended, but for tomorrow I’m going to enjoy the day, and hug my precious girl tight because I am so grateful to have her, and honoured to be called her Mummy!