Starting School

Dear Darling,

Tomorrow it’s the big day, and you start school. We’ve been counting down to school for what seems like forever, and it’s finally here, I can’t quite believe it.

So, you’ve finished your year at nursery, and have had such a good year. I’m so proud of how you’ve got on. You settled in easily, and quickly made friends with the other children. I loved hearing about the day you’d had, and especially hearing you singing the songs you’d learnt. I don;t think I’ll ever forget the current bun song ’round and round with a cherry on top’ As usual food has been a highlight of yours, and I don’t think there was anything you didn’t eat. I was however very proud when your report mentioned that you no longer needed to eat seconds at lunch and all the snacks. I think this just shows how comfortable and settled you became, and how much you’ve grown and progressed these last few months. Your pictures, paintings and drawings have been amazing, and I’ve loved seeing your skills and imagination grow over the year. I’ve saved a few for your memory box to look back on when you’re older. Your nursery photo was such a good capture of your personality. We don’t share identifiable photos of you online, but these photos made me really sad we can’t, because you’re gorgeous and I want to show you off.

You’ve learnt to start to read and write, and it’s been amazing seeing you learn new skills. To see a whole new world opening up in front of you. I love that you love reading and writing, and I’m so excited to see you earn more. We’ll always have books for you to read, I hope you’ll forever enjoy reading.

Of course there have been a few memorable events, including ‘the big nursery escape’ Funny now we look back on it, but not so much at the time. Trust you to be the one child to outsmart the teachers…Also the hairbrush bristle in the ear incident. That ended in a trip to A&E, oops.

Thank you for putting up with me rushing you out the house in the morning, and hurrying you up the hill. But we made it through the year, and Mummy was never late for work, so the threat of “Emma (Mummy’s Boss) will be cross” must have worked, haha. I’ll miss the early morning sunshiny songs we sang, especially ‘you are my sunshine’, and your own ‘we’re walking in the sunshine’ you’ll always be my sunshine my sweetheart.

I’ve loved the day’s off that we’ve had together. I’m so so glad I opted to work part time. We’ve been up to all sorts, and It’s been great taking you to new activities and make new friends. You did so well ay gymnastics. It was lovely to see your strength and confidence grow over the year. Our Wednesday groups have been so beneficial to both of us. To finally feel like we belong somewhere and to get to know some lovely people a bit more. We’ve had the best summer. You’re such a sunshiny girl, so we’ve enjoyed some great days out in the sun. I’m so glad we got to experience some of the things we did, and I’ proud of us both for trying new things. I’m really going to miss our days off together, and particularly our lazier midweek mornings. I’m not sure how we’re going to get up early every weekday, but we will and it’ll soon become our new normal.

But, I think my favourite memory of the year at nursery has to be picking you up each day, and hearing you excitedly shout ‘Mummy!” with a huge big smile. I don’t think I ever saw any other children be quite so happy to see their Mummy. It made me equally as happy, and immensely proud of what we’ve made of us.

I’m so grateful that we’ve had these two years together. Although it’s not always been easy, it’s been so precious. I do wish we didn’t have to move on, that I didn’t have to share you quite so much. But, my darling, you need to grow your wings a little more, and you will fly. When you came home nearly two years ago, school seemed like a lifetime away, but there’s no denying it, it’s here now. You’re so ready, and you’re going to love it. You’re going to make some great friends, and all you need to remember to do is smile, and the other children will want to be your friend. I know it’s going to feel a bit strange at first, and it might be a bit scary, but thats ok, it’s normal. I’m pretty sure a lot of the other children will be feeling the same as you. You’ll always have Mummy or Daddy dropping you off and picking you up. School actually finishes a bit earlier than nursery did, so we’ll have more time together in the afternoon, which is great!. You’ll soon settle down, and get the hang of school, and then I think you’ll be just fine.

So, all the best my sweetheart, have the best time, and remember, although you’re our big grown up school girl, you’ll still be our little girl, our baby, always…

Love,

Mummy x

Happy Homecoming Day – To Me!

Today is my Homecoming Day, number 31. It’s the day we celebrate that on this day 31years ago, my mum and dad brought me home for good. The day I became their daughter.  It’s a day we mark and celebrate privately as a family, and when we were little it normally included a card, cake and often a small present. Now it’s usually an extra special text or hug. Although we don’t physically celebrate any more, it’s a date thats always stood out in my mind. A chance to stop and reflect, and above all to be thankful.

As an adopted person, and now an adoptive parent, I am very keen to listen to other adoptees. To hear their stories, to understand their thoughts and feelings. I hope it will make me a better parent for my little girl. I hope it will help me to support her as she grows up and starts to explore her own story. I have come to see that people’s adoption experiences are hugely different. I have heard some positive, but more often than not a lot of negative. Now, I don’t want to dismiss those seemingly ‘negative’, because they are those people’s stories, and their thoughts and feelings are very valid. We should listen, and we should learn so that others don’t have to experience and feel the same.

I also want to highlight that there are some ‘successes’, some ‘positive’, and I want to encourage everyone that adoption can be a hugely positive and worthwhile. I don’t really know how you would/should define ‘success’ in adoption. I guess it’s very subjective, as one person’s success could probably be seen by another person as their failure. I would say that my adoption has been an overwhelming success. I admit that this massively influences my view of adoption. I know that my adoption is very very different to most of the children adopted in the UK today, so it’s not fair to compare really, but I do see adoption as a positive option for some children. Adoption can give them the opportunities and permanence that not being adopted would never give them.

I want to show others that adopted people can and do turn out to be happy, well adjusted people. They are capable of having and sustaining meaningful relationships, and they can achieve just as much as the next person can. I know that saying ‘all children do that’ is really not helpful to say to adoptive parents, but I want to say to them, yes, really, all children do do that (of course we need to consider why they’re doing that, and the frequency/intensity for some behaviours). What I’m trying to say is that adoptees can and will behave like other children too. They will push our buttons, they will wind us up, but they will be equally lovely and charming too, just like other children.

I want to say to those considering adoption, and those being assessed, there are positive stories out there. Do read around, but don’t feel too disheartened. Do be prepared, and do try to understand the realities of modern day adoption, but remember as with everything, there is balance. To adoptive parents, don’t give up hope, be encouraged that there are and can be positive outcomes in adoption, so keep going, hang in there. Your hard work and perseverance now will be having an impact. You may not see it, or feel it, but maybe one day that child will be able to look back and see that you tried as hard as you possibly could. To professionals working with adoptive families, please please do try to provide the help that is so often needed. Parents will always try to do what they can, but sometimes they need a bit of help. As someone told me, the struggles they are having are not their fault, and it’s not that they’re bad parents, but they’re parenting traumatised children. It’s also not the child’s fault. These children are not ‘naughty children, and they come to adoption with the ‘damage’ already done, and sometimes only professional help will ease the difficulties. It could help the child develop their own sense of self and identity. It could help them be able to express themselves and come to terms with their experiences.

So today, we’re celebrating adoption. We’re celebrating the journey we’ve all been on, and celebrating the positive impact it’s had on all our lives. Today I’m grateful to be adopted, and thankful it’s made me the person I am today….